Bike: with note by ~plasket

My son rides his bicycle to school on nice days. He got it as a present from his grandparents. One Friday a few weeks ago he had to leave the bike at school overnight. When we went to get it on Saturday, the bicycle was gone. I stood there thinking who would steal a kid’s bike from an elementary school bike rack… but then thought this was a good lesson for all of us to take care of our belongings.

My wife diligently followed up with reports to the school and the town police in case someone spotted the bike. She also posted a description with a number to call in a few areas nearby the school. A couple weeks later, Mr. G., the crossing guard, told her that some forces were at work regarding the bicycle and that he had a good feeling that something good would happen. She thought he meant that someone had an idea where the bike was left.

Another week went by and we received the following e-mail:

“Dear …,

Please bring your son’s bike helmet to school this afternoon.

There is a surprise for him at the bike rack.

The combination is …

His friends at school.”

Mr. G. and we don’t have a clue who else had bought my son a new bicycle. Expecting absolutely nothing in return, they had taught him, us and all his little buddies at school one of the most powerful lessons in life. My wife and I were completely speechless.

While we could have probably bought him a new bicycle, there is no way we could have given him such a powerful memory to cherish for a lifetime. The blessing of giving and the blessing of a community that cares are the building blocks of this great country. For days I have been remembering those who gave me what I could have never earned myself at the time when I needed their help the most. Just as I will never forget what they did for me, I hope my son will never forget that his new bicycle came from the goodness of our neighbors’ hearts.

Every time I am at a hospital, I am humbled by the service provided by doctors, nurses, and other hospital workers. These people are truly special people. They serve others as if that is the only way to live. Right before my surgery, one of the doctors, a nice Irish lady, noticed worry on my face and said “This might be an uncommon experience for you but don’t worry we do this every day and you’ll be just fine.” I hear all kinds of negative comments from people about our health care system but I consider it exceptional. Many smart caring people spend years studying and then join a workforce and a system that has only one purpose: to care for the rest of us. I am thankful for living in this country and benefiting from its health care system.

Little Boat by ~to-shreds

The year before my mother passed away, she taught my son a song about a little boy and his toy ship. Every time I hear the song (“Im pokrik navak” here), I remember my childhood. I remember my mother and her words here and there that in hindsight seem to all have had a purpose. She would sometimes make a comment about something that seemed irrelevant or unimportant at the time. Looking back those comments were carefully crafted statements about important life issues delivered in the right context at the right time.

I’m sorry to butcher the beauty of the song but feel that even a crude translation is relevant:

Created the little boy
A white paper ship.
He lowered the ship
Onto the waves of the river.

My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?
My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?

My little ship, my little ship,
Where are you, where are you going?
Where are they, where are they taking you
The crazy waves of the river?

My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?
My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?

The sun disappeared,
Behind the clouds it went.
Rain fell from the sky
And the little river flooded.

My little ship, my little ship,
Did you reach indeed the blue sea?
Or on the way drowned you the wind
And you fell asleep at the bottom of the river?

My little ship, my little ship,
Did you reach indeed the blue sea?
Or on the way drowned you the wind
And you fell asleep at the bottom of the river?

In a conversation with a friend I mentioned that one of my hopes is to live an uneventful and simple life in uninteresting times. In Armenian history every generation has faced some calamity, a disaster, a socioeconomic upheaval, and suffering. I briefly mentioned this here.

Try to plant a seed in a garden. The more fertile the soil, the higher the output of the plant. Disturb the soil or the roots, and risk ending up with a shocked plant. Storms, bugs, and looters can kill even the strongest plants. Fail to harvest, support, and feed the plants, and risk having a poor outcome. People who want to get very rich want to get too much fertilizer in the garden metaphor which can kill a plant. Others who focus on one aspect of life at expense of others (time being limited and constant) choose one type of food in the garden metaphor at the expense of other nutrients resulting in an overly green plant with no fruit, or some other deficiency.

Another friend of mine said that he would go and fight for his country. I said “I hope you never have to make that choice.”

I hope the waves in your life are nothing you cannot handle.

Newton's Laws by ~bananagram

Isaac Newton’s three laws on motion are fundamental in classical mechanics in physics but I think they also apply just as strongly in our daily lives and our relationships. Let me draw the parallels and let you decide. Is it possible that if we applied these in our lives, we would be able to achieve a new level of harmony and tranquility?

“A body continues to maintain its state of rest or of uniform motion unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force.” ~ Newton’s First Law

An entire book could be written about the applicability of this law in our lives. We remain in the same state of mind unless we open our minds to external influences. Our relationships remain the same unless we apply some forces to change directions, change attitudes, or change the environment. Our environment will not change unless we apply external forces to improve it. Governments, companies, organizations continue in the same path unless a force of change is applied to them. Many more examples can be given here but some opposites are also true. Preservation of a current state may require significant forces to counter-balance the effects of negative forces. Upholding the United States Constitution requires daily work of many people and in some cases fights against injustice, improper applications, and incorrect interpretations. Maintaining a happy family requires pushing back on all negative influences getting in the way. Maintaining positive outlook in life requires working hard on our inner mental state against negative external influences. Let’s look at the second law.

“F = ma: the net force on an object is equal to the mass of the object multiplied by its acceleration.” ~ Newton’s Second Law

Our effectiveness is equal to our substance multiplied by our hard work. Stated differently, if we are not smart and strong, we must work harder to have the same results. As organizations, the teams we hire determine our success because for the same amount of time/work, we must achieve higher results than our competition. As countries, the stronger our individuals, families, communities, and organizations are, the higher our chances of counter-balancing negative forces of nature and calamities. Also, note that it is acceleration rather than velocity that matters. The faster we move, the more we produce, the more we learn and the faster we learn, the stronger our force output becomes. People with integrity and substance have a higher chance of having a lasting impact than those who lack these qualities. The third law is my favorite.

“To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” ~ Newton’s Third Law

I think of this as the Golden Rule in Christian culture. Treating others the way we want to be treated is so fundamental that it’s actually a law in physics explaining the motion of objects large and small. In times of war, the party with the greater force overpowers the opposite side because of an unequal opposite reaction. However, couldn’t this also be true inside our families? If you want something in your relationships, perhaps you should be first to give and then maybe this law of physics will kick in and start working. The examples here are endless. Unfortunately, we are humans and are more complex than objects (check out tit for tat for example).

The world is a complex place but these laws have simplified much in the world of mechanics. Perhaps, they can help simplify something in your world as well. If you came here because you were searching for examples of application of Newton’s laws in daily life, please leave a comment and let me know why you were curious.

The Kid

I recently came across some alarming statistics. Even if they are only 5% correct, it bothers me beyond words to look at them. So, here are a few of my thoughts on parenting.

Every time I hear (or say) the words “my children,” I always remember that children are separate, unique individuals who have their distinct lives. Perhaps it’s the human instinct or some chemistry equation that is responsible for many parents thinking that they “own” their children and some harsh parents “disowning” their children as an act of extreme punishment. Ownership does not apply to children. Why is this so important? This distinction is important because we sometimes ignore, abuse, disregard, and discard the things we own. If we do not like the new set of knives we just purchased, we can take them back to the store and ask for a refund (ultimately we can donate them or throw them away). If the new car does not perform according to specifications, we have warranty repair and the lemon laws. If we’re not happy with the new house we just bought, we can move somewhere else.

We do not own our children. God has entrusted us with their care and proper upbringing. Imagine you take your child to school and later in the day find out that the teacher was disrespectful, unprofessional, or in a milder case not doing a good job teaching. Every good parent would be upset with some becoming outraged. All parents would demand a solution. It is no different when it comes to someone else (God in this case) entrusting us with his children to care for, to do our best to teach, help and respect. They learn what to do by watching what we do. They learn how to feel by studying our feelings. They learn to listen by the way we listen to them. They learn how to be by the way we are. I am saying these things not only from observation of my little ones, but because of my own upbringing. Looking back, I am reminded that I have become a collection of all my experiences, observations, feelings, and thoughts. They too will be. Therefore, it is our responsibility as parents to help them with their journey through experiences, feelings, thoughts, and observations.

This may sound like common sense; however, I have noticed smart, educated, well-raised parents sometimes make critical mistakes. For example, if we hesitate when faced with a decision, even if we believe children do not know or do not understand, they sense our uncertainty and hesitation and learn to hesitate (the “normal” response in their mind) when faced with similar decisions. When faced with a complex decision, one that should make us hesitate and consider all the factors, we cannot rush to judgment because they too will learn to rush to judgment in these cases. If we are unable to love fully, how will they learn how to love? If we are not thankful for what we have, how will they learn to be thankful for what they have? If we break down or explode under stress, they learn that to be the valid response under stress.

Let me make a couple more points. If the two parents respond differently, children receive mixed messages and have to keep testing and retesting to get to the bottom line. If the parents respond incorrectly to the tests and retests, children learn to take advantage of these situations. They are people also, and at that very smart little people. If parents are unable to resolve conflicts among themselves and with others, how can children learn how to resolve conflicts? More importantly, if we are unable to resolve internal conflicts, they too will have difficulty with their own internal conflicts. Remembering that I am in the role of the “school teacher” who has been entrusted the upbringing, well-being and balanced education of God’s little children has helped me deal with my personal shortcomings when dealing with the abundance of stimuli in my life. We cannot change the challenges that are dealt to us, but we as parents must respond in the way we would want our kids to respond when they’re faced with similar challenges.

wish to god by `SheTakesPics

The rules we create are always lacking. Every form of government has existed throughout history yet the human race has been unable to evolve a set of rules, laws to live by, govern by that eliminate suffering, and result in a perfect world with all creations living in absolute harmony. The rules we as individuals live by, the lessons we learn in our experiences, and those very experiences are as diverse as the genetic instructions in deoxyribonucleic acid. I believe that only an almighty God is capable of defining perfect principles, rules that can guide us all throughout this world and after. But we as humans cannot even agree in the implementation of divine laws and what’s worse we cannot even agree to be guided by divine principles.

Not believing in God is unthinkable because it implies that life ends at death. Life cannot end at death because that implies we will never ever see those we love after death. This notion even casts doubt on love, the eternal attachment we have to ourselves and others. Our existence becomes a meaningless processing of energy (loss of energy) if life ends at death. You might say we live to make life easier for the future generations. Future generations have no life if life ends at death. On a continuum of time measured in millions of years, one life is not even a second. If life ends at death, we are already dead.

I believe in God because my own life has been an amazing set of events mostly outside of my own control. If coincidence is so powerful, then by now (remember millions of years) by coincidence we would be living forever and we would be flying around from galaxy to galaxy. Every day something happens that reminds me of His existence. There must be God so evil can meet with its destiny. God must exist so good as defined by Him is properly rewarded.

I believe in God because I cannot be otherwise. The worry for my children would be too great without faith that He would watch over them when I am gone. The pain of losing my mother would be too much if I had no faith that she was still with me. The world would appear too dark, too lonely, and people too cruel. The works would be meaningless, the lessons useless, the moment of despair endless.

It is the deep Christian belief of my people that has kept us from losing our identity, from losing our ideals during generations of genocide and persecution, from not being able to distinguish right from wrong. I, the one small link in a chain that must go on, have no right not to believe in God.

The list could go on…

Firewood by *LadyRSanti

Growing up in an apartment building, we had a hallway that had four doors to four homes. My mother would always clean the entire hallway but for some reason our neighbors would only clean the small area between their own door and the hallway entrance. It would always puzzle and bother her why they only cleaned in front of their door. Did they think dust in other areas would not move? A few years later, when none of us had any heat in the winter, neighbors would gather together in one of the apartments to conserve firewood. After those days, somehow the hallway was also kept clean by everyone.

It is not uncommon to see entire neighborhoods full of foreclosed homes these days. Just a few days ago, I heard how a condominium association could not pay its bills because many units were empty under foreclosure proceedings. Towns with high foreclosures have similar issues of being unable to cover their expenses. Homeowners in such towns find themselves under greater burdens for town expenses and under heavy pressure of dramatically lower equity of their own homes. We have learned the lesson that when our neighbors become poor, we too become poor.

As we are witnessing right now, when consumers (that would be us and our neighbors) are unable to spend as much as we typically spend, companies that sell us stuff, sell less. When companies sell less, they need less workers and they invest in machines and equipments less; they also spend less. When companies spend less and we also spend less, there’s really no way to sell more than the year before. It’s all too obvious… When we do not sell more this year than last year, our economy doesn’t grow and we know that stock values increase when the economy and companies grow. As a result, we earn less money (remember inflation even if you get no pay cut), stock values decrease, we become more unemployed, and we spend even less. Bottom line, when our neighbors spend less, they become poor. When they become poor, we too become poor.

When our neighbors have no homes, we have more homeless people. When our neighbors have no money, we have more poor, unemployed people to help. When our neighbors are hurting, we are hurting. This is because we’re one and the same, all interconnected, affecting each others’ lives, hurting together, happy together. There are many examples of this starting from global warming (if we do not all cut our emissions, the results do not change) to local crime (if we do not all keep our neighborhoods safe, the results are unchanged).

America has a vibrant individualistic society with everyone in constant motion pursuing our happiness. As you chase your own dreams and fulfill your objectives, consider your neighbors and your community.

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I got this from a forwarded chain letter (there’s even doubt about whether Emerson really wrote this) and unlike the normal actions I take (delete…) I sat there thinking. Is it just another Utopian idea? Is there anything missing in it?

I remembered one of the mistakes I made some time ago. I was a teenager, young and stupid (had to have been). My father and I were at our kitchen table having a discussion about a topic I cannot remember. But I remember asking him “What have you accomplished in your life?” I thought he would mention some scientific discovery, but he looked squarely in my eyes and said “I’ve raised two boys.” I was ashamed to have asked him this question. Years later part of me is very happy to know his answer. As we raise our little ones, I continue to learn the profound meaning of his answer.

.Wealth. by Sarah Khanna

The link is missing. To raise good children, we MUST do everything in the first quote and more. This is what I call building wealth for the purposes of this post. One parent, one family, one community at a time, we must build wealth – we must build good children. You say I’m crazy… Imagine a country where the next generation of kids is healthy, well-educated, raised in loving families, with respect for their communities, with respect for each other, entrepreneurial, mentally and spiritually complete, more united than divided. Would there be a richer country (or family, or community) in the world?

Why am I writing this? Because I am convinced that change happens inside our souls, then inside our families, then inside our communities… It’s not a governmental program with program administrators or a presidential initiative. I read the quote above twice more to see if there was any mention of money, fancy shoes, fashion clothes, nice cars, huge houses, dinners at fancy restaurants, or expensive vacations but it appears there’s no mention of anything to which we as individuals and as a country have becomes slaves. I hope some day if my little ones ask me the same question, I can also say “I’ve raised good children.” I hope the whole country can say the same.

Personal Independence: I left home at age of 16 thinking I was fully independent. Fortunately, others around me understood how much help I really needed and were there to help. After our beautiful wedding, I thought I was independent until my wife and I had to deal with a few major projects together including establishing a sound foundation for our family. I then thought I was independent as long as I had her. At least, together we could be independent. This lasted until we had our first child and needed all kinds of help from the first day. Now more than ever I realize how little the word “independence” means at least when it comes to our relationships with others in our daily life.

Symbiosis by *one-dryad

Independence of thought is a slightly different matter. While our thoughts also depend on information, exchanges, relationships, our experiences, our beliefs and everything in our life, I believe being able to independently view facts and arrive at our own conclusions is important. This can only take place when we value our place in the world, value ourselves enough to recognize that our own existence can enrich the lives of others. Therefore, value yourself, think independently, but rely on others and allow them to rely on you.

Organizational Independence: My company has customers who are also our competitors. We have suppliers who are also our fierce competition. Every day thousands of companies help us in every function of our organization. It is hard to imagine how an organization could be completely self-reliant and independent of others. After all, it operates in multiple interconnected ecosystems. It is affected by numerous laws. It has many different constituents. Again, independence is really interdependence. Every organization should become a responsible participant while, of course, maintaining its own independent offering, its value, its unique proposition and raison d’être.

Global Interdependence: No country can survive completely independently in the world today. We trade with other nations, we sell goods, we source raw materials, we exchange ideas, etc. The latest financial crisis is yet another proof. The entire system is so interdependent that stress in one country affects the entire chain.

Endless examples exists of our interdependence at every level. Two types of dependence are the most critical in my life. Fully depending on God’s grace, love, understanding, and guidance in our everyday life is like having blood in our veins. Depending on our spouses, and ensuring they can fully rely on us is what lets us form powerful family cores. So, instead of focusing on raising independent children, perhaps we should help them become responsible, reliable people who can be trusted and relied upon by their spouses, their families, their organizations, their nations, and the world.

My father has been helping me fix up a few things at the house over the past few weekends. The ride there is about forty minutes. I’m sure in hindsight these will be some of the most special times of my life. When we get into the car, we are not yet tired and talk about interesting topics, our mother, life in general, world politics, his life, real estate, anything and everything. Yesterday I noticed that I was driving very slow on the highway. My foot must have been light on the accelerator subconsciously. The trip back is usually quiet.

He’s changed since we lost our mother. He forgets things like the one time he forgot his keys in my car, and then we drove back to the house, looked everywhere and then finally found the keys in the car. He’s also more forgiving toward people. Today on NPR I heard Anne Roiphe on Life After Love which explained some of what he’s been going through. It must be really difficult for him.

We work well together. I don’t know if that’s from helping him build a house when I was ten or eleven or if it’s because we think alike. We often split the jobs but sometimes we do a task together and that’s when I realize over and over that no other person in the world can work with me the same way he does. It’s as if he can see my train of thought before I have it. I don’t know if he feels the same way.

Last night I was going through some old photos that he had brought back from Armenia. In the box, there were pictures of him and my mother when they were our age. It was obvious from those old black and white photos lacking focus and clarity how much they had loved each other. These photos made it crystal clear yet again that nothing lasts forever. So for now, I’ll continue enjoying my ride with my father and when we finish this project, maybe I can think of something else as if subconsciously trying to do what I said about Parents.