Average Joe by ~weaponx263

Friday. Tired from a week of constant barrage of e-mail, calls, issues, and people. Finished the last call of the day. Completely finished, wasted, empty arrived at the dinner table. Across are sitting two beautiful children excited that I am theirs at last. But work got the best of me again leaving little for them. After dinner he wants to play with Lego characters, she wants to dance and be a princess. I can’t stop thinking about the dozens of projects, tasks, problems, things to do, things I forgot to do, the phone calls I couldn’t make, the calls I should have made. Another hour, they’re sleeping. I hear the Olympics on TV where the best of the best compete. Back to childhood and my mother where I was one day to be a best in something, in anything. I am not a best. I am not even good enough! Not a good enough father, not a good enough son, not good enough at work, not good enough in anything… Stop! Destructive thinking. I am a role model for them. I must find the energy to work harder, to be better. Maybe this is a phase, a difficult phase. I need some rest.

A Safe Flight Home by ~Ericana

Last week was devoted to Canada. Fairmont Château Laurier was impressive. The event was executed perfectly. My small piece went better than I had expected. In preparation, I learned a few things about the government in Canada. After the event, in a chat, I learned about a thought that could make everything we’re doing less relevant. I heard about a fear to remain relevant from my management earlier in the week. With these two tokens in place, I couldn’t get the word “relevant” out of my head.

What does it take to remain relevant? In free and advanced societies, these words seem to represent the essence of the battle. The quest to remain relevant brings out the best in us. We innovate, advance, improve and compete to obsolete the status quo. The worst sometimes comes out when we feel we are no longer important. A few weeks ago, someone special mentioned in a passing conversation that she wanted to live as long as she could be helpful. The challenge is that in our different roles as contributors, workers, parents, leaders, we must do everything possible to advance the current state of affairs but at the same time we know progress, innovation, advancement, money do not matter most. Some of us balance this by time division or by life division. Others don’t balance and focus on one set of priorities at the expense of others. Some fruits of labor remain relevant for centuries such as the Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto #2 in F currently playing on my computer. Sometimes we are only relevant for a few minutes. For example, when we give a stranger directions on how to get to where they are heading (the GPS innovation has decreased these opportunities significantly).

On the flight back, exhausted, I put on a set of noise canceling headphones to tune out the jet, and rest the restless mind a bit. The iPhone shuffle played this song:

In that near-perfect silence, this powerful melody somehow transported the tired mind back to what mattered most. My beautiful wife and little ones were waiting for me.

Yarmouth Boardwalk by *lutke45

Despite the many negatives, business travel has an amazing way of refocusing the mind on what really matters. In my case, coming home to my beautiful wife and the kids was all I needed to feel normal again. Without realizing, they have a wonderful way of supporting me through my long days of work… days like yesterday (I worked from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until I went to bed late at night). A hug, a smile, even just their presence can give tremendous amount of energy. This energy was not there in California. Consequently, the concept of base of operations has been front and center for me recently.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it may be like to destroy this unique and powerful “base” during a divorce. Where do people living in broken families get their energy? What about the excruciating pain of a natural disaster tearing up the ground in which we grow? Maybe I came one small step closer in understanding my father who lost his half exactly two years ago. Perhaps it is the coincidence of all these events with the anniversary of my half and I becoming whole that is stirring up all these thoughts.

It is late at night, but I feel like a child who wants to go to bed early on Christmas Eve with great anticipation for the next morning. Tomorrow we get to go on vacation. I get to spend an entire week with people who matter most. Cape Cod is beautiful but only because we will be together.

Little Boat by ~to-shreds

The year before my mother passed away, she taught my son a song about a little boy and his toy ship. Every time I hear the song (“Im pokrik navak” here), I remember my childhood. I remember my mother and her words here and there that in hindsight seem to all have had a purpose. She would sometimes make a comment about something that seemed irrelevant or unimportant at the time. Looking back those comments were carefully crafted statements about important life issues delivered in the right context at the right time.

I’m sorry to butcher the beauty of the song but feel that even a crude translation is relevant:

Created the little boy
A white paper ship.
He lowered the ship
Onto the waves of the river.

My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?
My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?

My little ship, my little ship,
Where are you, where are you going?
Where are they, where are they taking you
The crazy waves of the river?

My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?
My little ship, my little ship,
Will you reach indeed the blue sea?

The sun disappeared,
Behind the clouds it went.
Rain fell from the sky
And the little river flooded.

My little ship, my little ship,
Did you reach indeed the blue sea?
Or on the way drowned you the wind
And you fell asleep at the bottom of the river?

My little ship, my little ship,
Did you reach indeed the blue sea?
Or on the way drowned you the wind
And you fell asleep at the bottom of the river?

In a conversation with a friend I mentioned that one of my hopes is to live an uneventful and simple life in uninteresting times. In Armenian history every generation has faced some calamity, a disaster, a socioeconomic upheaval, and suffering. I briefly mentioned this here.

Try to plant a seed in a garden. The more fertile the soil, the higher the output of the plant. Disturb the soil or the roots, and risk ending up with a shocked plant. Storms, bugs, and looters can kill even the strongest plants. Fail to harvest, support, and feed the plants, and risk having a poor outcome. People who want to get very rich want to get too much fertilizer in the garden metaphor which can kill a plant. Others who focus on one aspect of life at expense of others (time being limited and constant) choose one type of food in the garden metaphor at the expense of other nutrients resulting in an overly green plant with no fruit, or some other deficiency.

Another friend of mine said that he would go and fight for his country. I said “I hope you never have to make that choice.”

I hope the waves in your life are nothing you cannot handle.

Daybreak in Corinth by *carlzon

1 Corinthians 13 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. A few recent thoughts made me think of it again.

“11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13

I have to admit that I was getting discouraged by the many blogs where content is a waste of the energy required to create, store and transmit it (I want to make this one of the exceptions). Fortunately, after a few months of surveying the landscape, it seems there’s a bell curve of some sort in the blogosphere as well. As I read the thoughts of people smarter than myself, I recognized my own writings as childish. Two options emerge: 1) stop writing, get off the podium, learn some more, expect that the kids will discover their own and care less about what I write, or 2) continue thinking, learning, writing, and improving. After reading The importance of stupidity in scientific research mentioned by Steve Ellison’s recent post, I feel that it’s probably important to continue this project understanding the depth of my own ignorance. How else would the second sentence in the verse above be possible?

Along similar lines, I am currently involved in a project where the progress is made in almost an identical path as in a past project which was ultimately unsuccessful. It is sometimes frustrating to have to witness people not being interested in warnings because they have not had the same experiences themselves. This is similar to a child who ignores a parent’s word and has to experience himself to learn. I find myself in the position of the parent in this case, but also in the position of the child in other cases where I’m unwilling to take the words of others for granted (here’s an example).

In closing, I need to mention that the verse below from the same chapter is very high up in my mind but also is one of the reasons for wanting to share and hear others.

“1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

Different varieties of Lavash sold in Yerevan market

Before I continue my story, I need to tell you about an Armenian cartoon called կախարդական լավաշ which means “the magic lavash (flat bread)”. It gives me great pain that this superb work of art loaded with life’s lessons can only be understood by Armenians. In many ways, my life is the story of the little boy in the cartoon who decides to explore the world to find his destiny. His mother gives him her blessing along with the magic bread which replenishes itself during his journey. I had received $500 from my parents which I used as a security deposit to obtain my first secured credit card. Each time I used the card (my rainy day fund) to buy something, I’d work hard to pay it off and the “lavash” would be whole again. There are many other parallels…

I boarded the jet promising myself to only look forward and came back to live with my American family and attend St. Petersburg College. I will be eternally grateful for everything that they have done for me throughout the years.

My first semester at the community college was about to start but I did not have the tuition money or a way to get back and forth to school. My Armenian “cousin” from Florida without hesitation wrote a check for $1,638.52. I keep the receipt in my valuables along with two other pieces of paper: copy of $500 check from my Armenian friends in Boston (who are now my in-laws) to buy a car to get back and forth to school, and a receipt for $145 from the other Armenian family in Florida for car insurance who also did so much for me in the next few years. I must also mention our high-school friend’s mom (again without mentioning names) who drove me back and forth to school along with my American parents for months until I had a driver’s license and a car. In Independence And Interdependence, when I wrote “others around me understood how much help I really needed and were there to help” I had in mind these and a few other wonderful people.

The first semester at school would have been impossible had it not been for all these folks coming together to help me. My parents were thousands of miles away and had already given me all the money they had.

Today, I do not appreciate hearing anyone say negative opinions about Americans. As far as I am concerned, these people are America, from different backgrounds, different levels of education, different levels of income and wealth, with different values, yet all coming together at a time of need to help a foreign kid stand on his own two feet.

Culture shock by ~yarry

I don’t remember exactly how long the honeymoon period of textbook culture shock lasted but soon I found myself dealing with the resentment, rejection phase during which I couldn’t believe how terrible American education was, how tasteless American food was, and how wonderful everything back in Armenia was. This is the first time I understood and felt the physical pain from longing (Armenian word “կարոտ”). I’d become close friends with this pain. We would get to know each other well as it would frequent me for a few years.

I attended high school during this year and mainly learned English, American history and the culture. All other subjects were nowhere near what I had already completed in Armenia. If they hadn’t been in a foreign language, I could get excellent grades without listening during class or opening a single textbook. In hindsight, this year was not about academics. Instead, I went through a difficult cultural adjustment, learned the language, and worked on ways to attend college in America. Throughout the year, my American family supported me in so many ways that when I look back as a parent, I wonder how they actually managed to do it. I am sure it was not easy at all for them.

In many ways, I am very fortunate to have experienced a new culture and a new family. We tend to have lens through which we view the world, but in my case, I had been given an extra set to see it in different colors. The result has been a fascinating experience. Transitions from Armenian culture to American culture, from my family to my new family, from being a kid to growing up, from helping out to being helped, from wanting to leave to wanting to stay all took place at roughly the same time. Amazingly, there were many people who supported me in this process. The librarian at the high school was one of the most encouraging and supportive people ever and played a very key role during that year. Many of the friends and family of my new family also were very supporting and wonderful people.

I hope that over the years, I can come back and add to this post all my memories. Normal teenagers go through so much at the age of sixteen. I had chosen to go through it all in a foreign country. Fortunately, my host family was there to help. The hardest times were the holidays. December 31st was a really difficult day away from family and friends. I would have never thought that I’d be writing about it almost exactly fifteen years later. Around the holidays, I had already started working on getting accepted into an American college or university. I had taken the standardized tests and had discovered that my English was far weaker than my math. However, the main hurdle remained the financing as I had no more than a couple hundred dollars saved up. But as I had come to expect, an unexpected, unbelievable event made it all possible.

Newton's Laws by ~bananagram

Isaac Newton’s three laws on motion are fundamental in classical mechanics in physics but I think they also apply just as strongly in our daily lives and our relationships. Let me draw the parallels and let you decide. Is it possible that if we applied these in our lives, we would be able to achieve a new level of harmony and tranquility?

“A body continues to maintain its state of rest or of uniform motion unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force.” ~ Newton’s First Law

An entire book could be written about the applicability of this law in our lives. We remain in the same state of mind unless we open our minds to external influences. Our relationships remain the same unless we apply some forces to change directions, change attitudes, or change the environment. Our environment will not change unless we apply external forces to improve it. Governments, companies, organizations continue in the same path unless a force of change is applied to them. Many more examples can be given here but some opposites are also true. Preservation of a current state may require significant forces to counter-balance the effects of negative forces. Upholding the United States Constitution requires daily work of many people and in some cases fights against injustice, improper applications, and incorrect interpretations. Maintaining a happy family requires pushing back on all negative influences getting in the way. Maintaining positive outlook in life requires working hard on our inner mental state against negative external influences. Let’s look at the second law.

“F = ma: the net force on an object is equal to the mass of the object multiplied by its acceleration.” ~ Newton’s Second Law

Our effectiveness is equal to our substance multiplied by our hard work. Stated differently, if we are not smart and strong, we must work harder to have the same results. As organizations, the teams we hire determine our success because for the same amount of time/work, we must achieve higher results than our competition. As countries, the stronger our individuals, families, communities, and organizations are, the higher our chances of counter-balancing negative forces of nature and calamities. Also, note that it is acceleration rather than velocity that matters. The faster we move, the more we produce, the more we learn and the faster we learn, the stronger our force output becomes. People with integrity and substance have a higher chance of having a lasting impact than those who lack these qualities. The third law is my favorite.

“To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” ~ Newton’s Third Law

I think of this as the Golden Rule in Christian culture. Treating others the way we want to be treated is so fundamental that it’s actually a law in physics explaining the motion of objects large and small. In times of war, the party with the greater force overpowers the opposite side because of an unequal opposite reaction. However, couldn’t this also be true inside our families? If you want something in your relationships, perhaps you should be first to give and then maybe this law of physics will kick in and start working. The examples here are endless. Unfortunately, we are humans and are more complex than objects (check out tit for tat for example).

The world is a complex place but these laws have simplified much in the world of mechanics. Perhaps, they can help simplify something in your world as well. If you came here because you were searching for examples of application of Newton’s laws in daily life, please leave a comment and let me know why you were curious.

The Kid

I recently came across some alarming statistics. Even if they are only 5% correct, it bothers me beyond words to look at them. So, here are a few of my thoughts on parenting.

Every time I hear (or say) the words “my children,” I always remember that children are separate, unique individuals who have their distinct lives. Perhaps it’s the human instinct or some chemistry equation that is responsible for many parents thinking that they “own” their children and some harsh parents “disowning” their children as an act of extreme punishment. Ownership does not apply to children. Why is this so important? This distinction is important because we sometimes ignore, abuse, disregard, and discard the things we own. If we do not like the new set of knives we just purchased, we can take them back to the store and ask for a refund (ultimately we can donate them or throw them away). If the new car does not perform according to specifications, we have warranty repair and the lemon laws. If we’re not happy with the new house we just bought, we can move somewhere else.

We do not own our children. God has entrusted us with their care and proper upbringing. Imagine you take your child to school and later in the day find out that the teacher was disrespectful, unprofessional, or in a milder case not doing a good job teaching. Every good parent would be upset with some becoming outraged. All parents would demand a solution. It is no different when it comes to someone else (God in this case) entrusting us with his children to care for, to do our best to teach, help and respect. They learn what to do by watching what we do. They learn how to feel by studying our feelings. They learn to listen by the way we listen to them. They learn how to be by the way we are. I am saying these things not only from observation of my little ones, but because of my own upbringing. Looking back, I am reminded that I have become a collection of all my experiences, observations, feelings, and thoughts. They too will be. Therefore, it is our responsibility as parents to help them with their journey through experiences, feelings, thoughts, and observations.

This may sound like common sense; however, I have noticed smart, educated, well-raised parents sometimes make critical mistakes. For example, if we hesitate when faced with a decision, even if we believe children do not know or do not understand, they sense our uncertainty and hesitation and learn to hesitate (the “normal” response in their mind) when faced with similar decisions. When faced with a complex decision, one that should make us hesitate and consider all the factors, we cannot rush to judgment because they too will learn to rush to judgment in these cases. If we are unable to love fully, how will they learn how to love? If we are not thankful for what we have, how will they learn to be thankful for what they have? If we break down or explode under stress, they learn that to be the valid response under stress.

Let me make a couple more points. If the two parents respond differently, children receive mixed messages and have to keep testing and retesting to get to the bottom line. If the parents respond incorrectly to the tests and retests, children learn to take advantage of these situations. They are people also, and at that very smart little people. If parents are unable to resolve conflicts among themselves and with others, how can children learn how to resolve conflicts? More importantly, if we are unable to resolve internal conflicts, they too will have difficulty with their own internal conflicts. Remembering that I am in the role of the “school teacher” who has been entrusted the upbringing, well-being and balanced education of God’s little children has helped me deal with my personal shortcomings when dealing with the abundance of stimuli in my life. We cannot change the challenges that are dealt to us, but we as parents must respond in the way we would want our kids to respond when they’re faced with similar challenges.

wish to god by `SheTakesPics

The rules we create are always lacking. Every form of government has existed throughout history yet the human race has been unable to evolve a set of rules, laws to live by, govern by that eliminate suffering, and result in a perfect world with all creations living in absolute harmony. The rules we as individuals live by, the lessons we learn in our experiences, and those very experiences are as diverse as the genetic instructions in deoxyribonucleic acid. I believe that only an almighty God is capable of defining perfect principles, rules that can guide us all throughout this world and after. But we as humans cannot even agree in the implementation of divine laws and what’s worse we cannot even agree to be guided by divine principles.

Not believing in God is unthinkable because it implies that life ends at death. Life cannot end at death because that implies we will never ever see those we love after death. This notion even casts doubt on love, the eternal attachment we have to ourselves and others. Our existence becomes a meaningless processing of energy (loss of energy) if life ends at death. You might say we live to make life easier for the future generations. Future generations have no life if life ends at death. On a continuum of time measured in millions of years, one life is not even a second. If life ends at death, we are already dead.

I believe in God because my own life has been an amazing set of events mostly outside of my own control. If coincidence is so powerful, then by now (remember millions of years) by coincidence we would be living forever and we would be flying around from galaxy to galaxy. Every day something happens that reminds me of His existence. There must be God so evil can meet with its destiny. God must exist so good as defined by Him is properly rewarded.

I believe in God because I cannot be otherwise. The worry for my children would be too great without faith that He would watch over them when I am gone. The pain of losing my mother would be too much if I had no faith that she was still with me. The world would appear too dark, too lonely, and people too cruel. The works would be meaningless, the lessons useless, the moment of despair endless.

It is the deep Christian belief of my people that has kept us from losing our identity, from losing our ideals during generations of genocide and persecution, from not being able to distinguish right from wrong. I, the one small link in a chain that must go on, have no right not to believe in God.

The list could go on…